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March 17 oh my life.....I can't believe i haven't posted here since the new year. Time has gone so quickly ( not a bad thing because not long until i can drive now!! well, august, not all that far away.........) College is going spot on, hectic social life = good fun, and the weeks until the end of the college year are ticking away
 HAVE IT!!A few weeks ago I went ice skating with my good friend Martin ( after the last time i swore i would never go again but couldn't resist)( ooh and well done for passing ur driving test me old mate!!!) and it was so much fun / painful / and more fun. My falls didnt quite stray into double figures despite my best efforts ( i got 9) (sore bum) but I managed to injure half of the people on the ice in the process. I took out a little "show off" kid in a 2-footed tackle which, had it appeared on the football field, would have been a straight red card, and all be it accidental, i was wetting myself for ages. I also bitch-slapped some guy behind me around the face as I lost my balance, which he wasnt all that happy about. but hey. its not me with the black eye! ( if the guy i hit reads this....... i was only joking about those last two lines
 )Im playing regular 5-a-side football in the Frome super-league on a tuesday evening, and our team certainly made an impact, beating a team of adults by 12 goals to nil, with each member of the 7 man squad grabbing a goal (even me) and i didnt let in a goal in 15 minutes between the sticks ( please note this is a new personal best). My shirt is the best ever, and i have number 69 on the back ( had to be done....)
So top of the league, only team not to concede a goal.... ( i can feel the other teams quaking in their astros)yet we are still going to be the whipping boys of the league. In our league we have a team consisting of members of Frome Town football club. adults. shit. help. lol
Ok i had a play fight with my brother earlier and he managed to rip off all my scab. bastard. and i have an amazing burn on my arm from and encounter with red-hot metal and it getting lodged on my arm. Painful but left me with a beauty mark on my arm. love it.
Music: Girl all the bad boys want ( bowling for soup)
Mood: Tired but cheerful
People online: Han, Aaron, Anna, Kate, Laura, Gemma, Sami and Danii.
Thinking: Sleepytime!!
Hope to post more regularly. I shall keep you updated on the progress of our 5 a side football!! PLease leave me comments seeing as this blog took around an hour to write because im soo sleepy! I like comments!! January 08 Happy New Year!Hiya everyone, I hope you all had a smashing Christmas and a banging new year! This blog entry is very special, not only is it the first blog entry of 2006  it is also the first time in ages that i have had enough time to actually write a blog entry, because now that college has started again, all of my time is consumed on travelling to and from college, aswell as trying to complete "Suduko Challenge", a book given to me by Santa at Christmas, on which I am still currently stuck on the very first "beginner" puzzle. Logical thinking is not a word in my vocabulary and Suduko seems to be a wee bit out of my league! Its great to be back at college again, I'd missed everybody loads, so it was fantastic to see everybody again. The only downpoint of returning to college being the long days, getting up at 5.30 and getting home again at 7. This came as a bit of a shock to me having spent most of the holidays fast asleep in bed, because im lazy  but I managed to cope. Just about.What a weekend this has been!! F.A. Cup third round in the footy this week, and from the moment the draw was made, all football fans have been looking forward to this set of ties, with some potentially mouth-watering matches lined up, with both Man United and Middlesborough having to face non-league opposition and many Premiership clubs having to play teams from lower leagues.  The 3rd round always serves up some shocks and surprises and in true FA cup fashion, Middlesborough were held to a draw by Nuneaton, Fulham were overturned by lowly Leyton Orient, and non-league Tamworth drawing against Stoke, and yet the prospect of the biggest FA cup shock of all time, if Burton can overturn Manchester United. It was a shame that Yeovil Town couldnt survive to fight in this round, but they did win in the league instead to move them up to tenth in League 1!!Apologies to non-football fans if that all sounded like a load of bollocks to you!! In other news, 3 cases of bird flu in humans have been confirmed in Turkey, the first cases registered in Europe. But the thing that has always baffled me is how do you tell if a bird has flu? Do you see him at the bottom of the garden wrapped up in blankets supping warm cocoa from a large mug? I don't know! Ooh yes, by the way, Gemma is wanting my autograph lol, were gonna be famous, so if anyone else is interested in an autograph........ Hope to write again soon, please leave any comments in either the comment box below, or in my guestbook.
aJrockz 2006 December 19 Hi. I just loaded up my space and realised its been over 2 months since i last posted an entry
 , so seeing as I have nothing better to do at the moment, i thought I'd add another entry. Loads been happening since I last wrote. College is starting to get more difficult, lots of assignment deadlines have come and passed so I have been dead busy all the time. Trains have been awful these last few months, which has kind-of helped me, it means i can get on with some more work, all be it in the freezing cold on the station platform.
A quick shout out to Amy and Charlie, shopping last weekend was really fun, hope I didnt embarrass you too much with my helium singing in the station
 but it was an amazing day!College party
on Thursday was great fun, i was completely shattered at the end of it all, and would have fallen asleep in the taxi home had my ears not have been pounding! Thanks to Kat for an amazing dance and, errr, a massive hiccy on my neck!!I finally got to sleep after about an hour of listening to Martin's gerbil having a party in his cage....... he just wouldnt shut up!! College the next day was a drag though, i physically felt so tired, and i wished i could just curl up and sleep...... and my wish came true seeing as i had I.T. just before lunch.I'm finishing off my christmas shopping this week. Nearly finished it, but i have arranged for a few more shopping trips before the end of the week. Wednesday I'm going to Bath with Aaron which will be great fun, and then on Thursday, me and Gemma are going to be hitting the shops in, errr Trowbridge
which I'm looking forward to! Ooh i other thing i thought id mention, i managed to swin 1.25 kilometres in the pool yesterday, its amazing what a can of red bull before sport can do to you. I was looking to do about 20 lengths, ended up doing 50....... and man I'm killing now!! My neck and shoulder is killing me, so im currently drugged up on Paracetemal ( is that how you spell it?) ( who cares
 )I dont know if i shall post another blog entry before christmas or not so I wish everybody a very merry christmas and a smashing new year!!
NOW:
Song: Somewhere Else - Razorlight
Mood: Tired with a headache and quite bored
RANDOM SITES TO CHECK OUT:
aJrockz 2005 October 09 What a week..........Hello everybody
I thought i would add a blog entry to tell u about the week I've had..........Monday and Tuesday went OK, lots of time in the workshop making cool stuff out of metal, where i got accused of being a lazy bum by my teacher, he said every time he looks around, im sat at the table talking with friends and not doing work..........a harsh accusation, but a true one all the same hehe! In my defense I argue I wasnt feeling very well on Tuesday....... which was true...... I really didnt have any energy to do the work. But by the end of Tuesday I had managed to produce a bottle-opener and a drill- bit holder. Which isnt bad for a couple of days work is it?
Lazy bum? My arse!!On Wednesday, things were good fun, I almosted enjoyed it! Wednesdays are my long days at college, I dont finish until 8 o clock
eek!! And of course, relying on public transport and living so far away from the college, I dont get home until 9.45, by which time the only thing on my mind is my bed!Got up on Thursday and didnt feel too brilliant, but I couldnt take the day off college so I decided to put on a brave face and try and enjoy myself, because in my eyes, when ur feeling down, the best way to feel better is to have a laugh and put on a brave face! Had a brilliant time, double electronics in the morning, which is brilliant fun, and then "portfolio building" all afternoon, AKA a social gathering for the class, and the time for a good chit-chat.
On Friday I wasnt feeling much better but decided to employ the same tactic as the previous day, and it proved to be successful
, had a cracking day at school! it was Jeff's birthday today so kept reminding him not to crash the car in his first driving lesson which he has since re-assured me that he didnt! Saturday was OK, popped up to see Aaron for a bit, having got back from America yesterday (yay!) and then played badminton against my brother. And won
( did i even need to mention that?!) In the evening Kate rang me for about 45 mins....... I would hate to see the phone bill...... which was good fun!!Today has been great fun, played badminton in the morning against Aaron ( and I'm not going to embarrass him and mention the score) ( I lost
hehe!) Gave it my best shot ( excuse the pun  ) but I still managed to lose! I got home, then went shopping for a short while with Gabby which was good fun, more fun than being stuck indoors fuelling my addiction for FIFA 2005 ( I still suck at it!)
I got home, and then cooked up a yummy spaghetti bolognaise....... my speciality!! It was a success I have to say. My success in the kitchen is measured on a scale of 1 to 10. 10 being the best, where I produce a yummy meal without any major scares. 1 is the worst, whereby the meal is burnt beyond recognition, or i have endured a few major scares, such as dropping things on the floor. NOTE: If the kitchen catches fire in any way, the success is automatically rated a 1. I have never got this bad luckily
Cooking is brilliant fun, I have a pic of me being a whizz in the kitchen, and i look so involved in what I'm doing, I was completely oblivious to my dad taking a picture of me cooking, on my phone!! I shall add it soon to my crapbook, i mean, photo album A few quotes relevant to me this week.......
aJrockz 2005 October 02 Bedroom Golf Bedroom Golf
Players are advised to think twice before considering membership at a golf course. Additional assessments may be levied by the course owner and the rules are subject to change at any time. For this reason, many players prefer to continue playing on several different courses.
Random Irritations this week........
I have now added some more pictures to my space :) a few of me in my overalls Gem...... I was bored so thought I would type up this joke........... a real cracker! *H*a*p*p*y* *B*i*r*t*h*d*a*y* for tomorrow Claire :) I actualli got the right date this time around! Good talking to you earlier Amy u crack me up! Hope u have fun at work tomorrow! Love you all xxxxxxxxx
aJrockz 2005 September 25 Mother Taught Me........ My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!" My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." My mother taught me LOGIC - "Because I said so, that's why." My Mother taught me more LOGIC - "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about." My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS - "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!" My mother taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there 'till all that spinach is finished." My mother taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room." My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS - "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen THEN?" My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!" My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - "Stop acting like your father!" My mother taught me about ENVY - "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!" My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION - "Just wait until we get home." My Mother taught me about RECEIVING - "You are going to get it when we get home!" My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE - "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way." My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD - "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job." My mother taught me HUMOUR - "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." My mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT - "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." My Mother taught me about GENETICS - "You're just like your father." My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE - "When you get to be my age, you will understand." And my all time favorite... JUSTICE - "One day you'll have kids ... and I hope they turn out just like you!" Random things that have annoyed me this last week........
 and
nobody was online, when I had a brilliant idea...... I
thought I would add a new blog entry to try and kill some
time...... and still nobody is online so I may cook dinner in a minute.
Im so tired I really can't be bothered to do much else today......
I.......want.....sleep........*yawn*....
aJrockz 2005 September 16 Employee Training In order to assure the highest levels of
quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to
keep all employees well trained through our program of Special High
Intensity Training (S.H.I.T). We are trying to give employees more
S.H.I.T than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T you can handle. Employees who do not take their S.H.I.T will be placed in Departmental Employee Evaluation Programs (D.E.E.P S.H.I.T) Those who fail to take D.E.E.P S.H.I.T seriously will have to go to Employee Attitude Training (E.A.T S.H.I.T). Since our managers took S.H.I.T before they were promoted, they do not have to do S.H.I.T anymore, as they are all full of S.H.I.T already. If you are full of S.H.I.T, you may be interested in a job training others. We can add your name to our Basic Understanding Lecture List (B.U.L.L S.H.I.T) Those who are full of B.U.L.L S.H.I.T will get the S.H.I.T jobs, and can apply for promotion to Director of Intensity Programming (D.I.P S.H.I.T) If you have further questions, please direct them to our Head Of Training, Special High Intensity Training (H.O.T S.H.I.T) Thank you, Boss in General (B.I.G S.H.I.T) Just
a quick word to say "come on england, the ashes are now where they
belong!" iv been gripped by this thrilling cricket action for the past
6 weeks and for england to win it is absolutely brilliant! good old
andrew flintoff driving the troops forwards...... i just wish i could
say similar postive remarks about the english football team....... with
a turnip as a manager and a gooney, i mean rooney, up front. im
glad to have got that one of my chest, but there is no way
the embarrassment of losing to northern ireland will ever go away from
me, and fair play to Ireland, they totally deserved it! I
apologise to everybody for hardly ever being on msn at the moment, but
being at college until 7 o clock, it doesnt leave me with much time on
here. on wednesdays i wont be on here at all........i dont get back on
a wednesday until a whopping 10 o clock! when i get home i head
straight for bed where i drop off before my head even hits the pillow! Hope everyone is well, and i shall talk soon!!
aJrockz 2005 September 10 Taxi passengerwidth=0> A taxi passenger tapped the driver
on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost
control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and
stopped centimetres from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years." Haha! another classic joke! i love it. As u may or may not know, i started my new job a few weeks ago, and all is going well, except i have to say the long days and early starts are taking their toll on me, i have only been getin 6 hours sleep a night which leaves me absolutely knackered by the time i cruise into work in the mornings! I have added some more pictures to my photo album (check them out!!!) and i have pictures of me in my somewhat hidious yet tremendously cool orange boiler suit! I love it, firstly it means i will never be lost when in a crowd of people, and secondly, ummmmmmm.............. they look cool! Anyway, i have now settled into a routine with regards to work, so expect to see more frequent blog entries, just like the good old days when i wasnt working.......... ooh what i would do to be like that again! Very quickly, id just love to give a shout to all of my new friends at chippenham college, none of my old friends from my local college go to chippenham college so i have had to make loads of new friends, and i have to say guys, you are all brilliant mates. And yes, i know i suck at pool, please dont rub it in.............
aJrockz 2005 September 02 Make Love not WarAn elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Monte Casino went to the local church for confession. When the priest asked the man what he wanted to confess, the man said, "Father, during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy. So I hid her in my attic."
The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son! And you have no need to confess that." "It's worse than that, father. She started to repay me with sexual favors."
The priest said, "By doing that, you were both in great danger. However, two people under those circumstances can be very tempted to act that way. But if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."
"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. But I do have one more question ."
"And what is that?" asked the priest.
"Should I tell her the war is over?
Haha, a classic joke! Well on a different note, i started work on tuesday and have been dead busy since then so i havent really had chance to add blog entrys, much to my sadness. I work at Westbury Cement Works, which is the biggest cement factory IN THE WHOLE WORLD. Awesome!! Absolutely love it there, and the only things i have discovered that dont take my fancy is a) come lunchtime, my sandwiches are covered in dust and are usually soggy and b) when i try and relieve myself of my access bodily fluid in the toilets, some gay person jumps out of no-where and grabs on2 ur leg, causing u 2 urinate all over the shop. But apart from that its brill!! Now the only thing i'm waiting for is my 1st wage slip.......
So thats how my life is, and i'm adding some more pictures to my photo album in the next few days, full of random pictures from my travels over the summer which consisted of, erm, a few days in a tent in weymouth. And, nearly forgot, a few days at my nans. Fun fun!!
aJrockz 2005 August 27 Blonde Paint Job!!A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari." HAHA now that one cracked me up! I love blonde jokes!! So funny!
lol kate if ur reading this babe, just be thankful you're not quite THAT blonde lol!!Im sorry that this is my first blog entry in bloomin ages but iv been on holiday quite a lot and, what with getting ready for work, which i start on tuesday, i havent had a minute to myself!
Anyhows, im glad i have been able to share that joke with you, and watch this space lol, im updating my photo album in the next couple of days!
Very quickly before i go ....................
 love u loads kate!!
aJrockz 2005 August 08 Learning From KidsFor those with no children - this is totally hysterical... For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious. For those who have children this age, this is not funny. For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control... The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas: Things I've learned from my Boys (honest)... 1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house, 4 inches deep. 2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. 3. A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. 4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all Four walls of a 20x20 ft. room. 5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. 6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan. 7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh" it's already too late. 8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it. 9. A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies. 10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy. 11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence. 12. Super glue is forever. 13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water. 14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O. 15. VCRs do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do. 16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving. 18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is. 19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens. 20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time. 21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. 22. It will, however, make cats dizzy. 23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy. 24. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid. 25. Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids
aJrockz 2005 July 24 Builder and Priest hit the golf courseA
builder and a priest are out for a game of golf one afternooon.
Unfortunately the builder wasn't very good at the game and every time
he missed a shot would shout 'Shit, missed'.
aJrockz 2005 July 21 One Christmas MorningOn Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid says, "Yeah." The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail light on that bike." The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a £20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" Humouring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did." The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top." Haha that was pretty funny! I thought id better make it a good one seeing as i hadnt updated my space for a few days!
aJrockz 2005 July 16 Rude ParrotA man gets on a plane and takes his seat, only to realise that the occupant of the seat next to him is a parrot. The plane takes off and after some minutes a stewardess approaches. "Can I get you anything, sir?" she asks the man".
"Yes, I'll have a coffee, please, when you have a minute. Thank you". "And for you, sir?" she asks the parrot. "A double whisky and coke, bitch, and make it quick, I'm thirsty!" demands the parrot. The stewardess returns a few minutes later with the parrot's drink, which he snatches without a word. "Excuse me," says the man, "but I ordered a coffee". "Did you, sir? I'm sorry, I'll get you one straight away". By which time the parrot has finished his drink. "Anything else for you, sir?" the stewardess asks the parrot. "Yeah, I want another double whisky and coke, tart. Quick, bitch, I can't wait all night!" Again the stewardess returns with the parrot's drink and without the coffee. Naturally the man thinks the only way he is going to get any service is to adopt the attitude of his fellow passenger. "Listen here you stupid slapper," he says to the stewardess, "I want my bloody coffee and I want it now, you cow!" Two minutes later the stewardess returns but this time with two enormous security guards, who proceed to manhandle the man and the parrot to the back of the plane, open the door and eject them from the plane. As they hurtle uncontrollably towards earth from 6 miles up the parrot turns to the man and says, "You're a bit of a lippy bastard for someone who can't fly, aren't you!"
aJrockz 2005 Gender DesignationMany Romance Languages (Italian, Spanish, French) give even silly little objects a gender. In French, for example, this determines whether you use “la” or “le in front of the noun. If English designated things as either male or female, here are a few of my recommendations...
TRAIN: Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
Well these are just a few of the best I could think of!!! If u have any more ideas, drop them in the comments box, and il add them! Hope u enjoyed reading these!!
aJrockz 2005 July 15 The Manchester 2016 Olympic BidIn an attempt to influence the members of the international Olympic committee on their choice of venue for the games in the year 2016, the organizers of Manchester's bid have already drawn up an itinerary and schedule of events. A copy has been leaked and is shown below.
OPENING CEREMONY THE EVENTS
THE CLOSING CEREMONY
Well, at least Britain would win the majority of the medals!! That will make a pleasant change!! Gee, if only this bid was genuine, and not made up on the spot by me!!
aJrockz 2005 July 11 Doesnt it make you proud to be British?Be very proud to be British, because:
Only in Britain... are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.
Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.
Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
NOT TO MENTION...
5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of control Scalextric cars.
And a whopping 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last 2 years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth. My heart is glowing with British pride!! We Brits are just the envy of everybody else in the world! All i can say is that if you are one of the wallys who managed to break their arm pulling a cracker, please step forwards so u can be publicly humiliated. Everybody else, just enjoy being British! And enjoy the sunny weather while it lasts!!
aJrockz 2005 July 10 Supermarket FunI have recently been unfortunate enough to have to endure a few painstaking hours trailing the parents around while they go food shopping in the supermarket. I hate food shopping, it is so boring, I can think of many things i would rather do, such as sleep or soak some sun! So I have given some long and hard consideration as to what I could get up to if I ever have to suffer this tortureous event ever again! Please feel free to use and adapt these ideas for your own use. And I hope it makes the shopping trip more fun! If you ever see me carrying out any of the moves listed below, please either confront me and shake my hand, or just shake your head in embarrassment and turn the other way! Have fun!
Take shopping trolleys for the sole purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day. Start playing keepy-up with some rounded item from the shelves; see how many people you can get to join in. Contaminate the entire department by sampling all the spray air fresheners. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of wrapping paper. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles. Play with the automatic doors. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive." Follow people through the aisles, staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!" Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles. Toilet paper as much of the store as possible. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?" Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with Action Man vs. the X-Men. Take bets on the battle described above. Hold indoor shopping trolley races. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission: Impossible. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics. When someone steps away from their trolley to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out. During announcements over the PA, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!" Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. Shopping doesnt seem such a daunting task when you try and carry out as many of these ideas as possible. My favourite has to be the classic shopping trolley racing because u have to use all of ur skill to out-manourvre other racers as well as other innocent shoppers. The randomly throwing items into neighbouring aisles also works with great effect!
aJrockz 2005 The Cynic's Guide to LifeThe journey of a thousand miles begins with a squeaking fan belt and a leaky tire.
I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. And a ball game gets ruined and a car rusts and...
Follow your dream. Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.
Always take time to stop and smell the roses... and sooner or later you'll inhale a bee.
If a motorists cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. Nothings gets the message across like a good mooning.
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
Love is like a roller coaster. If you like it, you don't want to get off, and when you don't... you can't wait to throw up.
aJrockz 2005
July 06 This is the road to enlightenment, revised...1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact just fuck off and leave me alone. 2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre. 3. The darkest hour is just before dawn. So if you' re going to steal your neighbour' s milk, that' s the time to do it. 4. Sex is like air. It' s not important unless you aren't getting any. 5. Don' t be irreplaceable. If you can' t be replaced, you can' t be promoted. 6. No one is listening until you fart. 7. Always remember you' re unique. Just like everyone else. 8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. 9. If you think nobody cares whether you' re alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments. 10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you' re a mile away and you have their shoes. 11. If at first you don' t succeed, skydiving is not for you. 12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. 13. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. 14. If you tell the truth, you don' t have to remember anything. 15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windscreen. 16. Don' t worry; it only seems kinky the first time. 17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. 18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. 19. A closed mouth gathers no foot. 20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together. 21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. 22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving. 23. Experience is something you don' t get until just after you need it.
I hope that this has been rather handy to u, and if u ever get to the end of the road of enlightenment thanks to this post, please pay me a tribute by naming your child after me or by randomly beating some chavs!! Please do the latter!! Or u could just leave me a comment if ur feeling lazy!! byeeeeeee
aJrockz 2005 |
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